An expanded heart

Just when I thought that I was the most lucky in love, head over heels lady in the world... I just tumbled through the rabbit hole to a whole new depth and dimension of love that I never knew existed. Enter baby Liam Henry. Wow... I had heard tales that there is no greater love than that of a mother's for her child and now I know it's true. Being the youngest in my family, I was never much of a "baby" person. I just wasn't into holding other people's babies and my Dad was even a little uncertain as to whether I would even have children... for some time, I think I felt the same. And now I wonder... what was my dharma before I had him? My spiritual purpose? He is most definitely the beginning of a lifetime of fulfillment.

With this said, he is fueling my fire of inspiration to teach yoga again with more passion and creativity than I ever had before. I see so much beauty in all the eyes around me. Seeing equanimity in all humankind, seeing the soul inside that makes us all intertwined as one. Inevitably this birth of my first child has brought me to a rebirth in my yoga practice and therefore, my teachings. I have found a new humble place that sits just behind my Ego during my practice...gently tapping me on my shoulder when I want "more." And so my heart has secretly unfolded into a newly expanded heart that now reflects all the beauty that resides inside.

Jai Jai Jai!!!!

a yin memorial weekend

This memorial day weekend took me to Asheville NC where my hubby and I honeymooned 4 years ago. On a whim and a recommendation, i decided to take a Yin Yoga teacher training course here at the Asheville Yoga Center and i'm so grateful to have followed that intuition. It was one of the most enlightening yogic experiences that I've had to date. Part of it was the deep connection that I felt with the teacher, Shala, even though we had never met and few words passed between us. There is beauty in walking into an experience without any expectations of what you'll learn or what experience you're about to have. My intention was merely to allow the teachings wash over me. In previous classes and trainings, I have found myself trying to suck the knowledge out of it until I find myself bone dry and questioning myself on what I had learned. This time was different. It was truly an exercise in quieting the left-brain tendency of setting labels on things, and opening up to the right-brain, the yin side, where there are no boundaries in consciousness.

Initially, when I think about Yin Yoga, I think about depth in posture and openness in the joint and connective tissue. My experience couldn't be further from this initial perception. There was certainly depth and certainly openness, but as one yogini stated so poignantly, it was as if the mud were being stirred up at the bottom of a lake. The sediment had been sitting there so long that to stir it up created a great cloud of emotional stuff and then such a clearing. Oh, what a clearing.

One of the most liberating pieces of this experience was being completely anonymous. Nobody knew who I was and I was not "lululemon." I was just a student. Such wonderful simplicity in just being that. It's just that.

Now I find my heart to be so free and open. My mind clear and receptive. I have so much to share and so many things to look forward to including now. Funny that it was memorial day weekend and I had my own loss or memorial to heal.

Radha gets her Groove back...

Most often a period of suffering and pain provides time for deep contemplation and if we're open to it...a period of healing. Suffering is a vehicle for us to step outside of ourselves and see that we are not the only ones who suffer. And that our suffering is not nearly as severe as many. This suffering has taken me to a place of unwavering gratitude. I find a blessing in almost everything around me...still working on that almost part. I'm finding that I am surrounded by amazing people, teachers in every face I come across. Eyes, words and hands helping to heal my open wounds with love and empathy. Gratitude.

One teacher of mine, Tricia, said to me, "God teaches us to hold on loosely to things in our life because you never know when you have to let go." This is sometimes hard to hear, but I realize how attached I've become to certain things and it's time to "not take it too seriously"...thank you, Kyle, another wonderful teacher.

So, this period of great healing has brought me back to the mat with more discipline, more calmness and more of a feeling of necessity for the practice. "To become a great teacher, one must practice more than teach..." thank you, Victoria.

Gratitude.

Speak yourself into existence

Much of what I am learning about life is that we create our lives moment by moment by a series of conscious and unconscious choices. If we can simultaneously be conscious throughout those choices then we will be consciously living, awake and alive. Part of that truth resides on the confidence one has with herself...do I trust my own voice? Voice being an extension of the breath, breath being life and the spirit...do I trust my own spirit? Good question...I realize that this is a question that I have been working on without realizing that I need to make this choice. It is an age old question of faith. Faith in yourself and ultimately faith in the spirit...faith in God. God has given me this voice to use as a tool for healing myself, others and the universe. All I have to do is trust this voice, trust God's voice that comes out of my lips. Why do I doubt? I know and can feel the fear that makes my throat feel tight, my heart beat fast...And when I release my voice and speak life into fruition, I feel free and light.

There is no coincidence that I went to a Song Healing workshop after only last weekend realizing that my throat chakra is where I'm locked right now. Why is it I can teach yoga to a group of 40 people, but when I speak in front of my peers I doubt myself? Krishnamurti says to always face it. Face that fear that wells up. Unlock the tightness by becoming one with it. Once we start to realize that we are fear instead of separate from it...we'll stop running away from it...we'll become part of it and then it can melt like the sand under a tide.

In yoga we talk about intention...setting your intention for your practice and we also talk about speaking with intention. This is my lesson. Speak with intention. Every word uttered is an expression of the spirit so make it a conscious intention as it vibrates throughout the entire universe...Speak with love. Speak with kindness. Speak with no judgment. Speak from the heart which is the spirit which is the breath. And last but not least, Just speak...Find the expression that is dying to come out and speak it, sing it, SCREAM IT....Just let it out!

Landmark letters

I recently went to the Landmark Forum and there are a series of exercises that you are asked to do in order to complete your past so that you can truly start to reside in the present moment. From your present moment, you can really create any possibility. Part of the exercise is to write a few letters to people you have been inauthentic with in your life and then you share your letter with your partner. It is important for me to share both of my letters here on this blog. The first letter is to my brother, and the second letter is to myself.

Dear Jimmy,

What I came to Landmark to accomplish is to improve my communication skills. What I am actually accomplishing is finding out what I'm holding back in my own self-expression in all of my relationships, especially the one with you. the possibility I have invented for myself and my life is the the possibility of being a fully self-expressive and inspiring leader/yoga teacher and leave my fear behind. I feel that being fully expressive means that I have to confront the issues that we have in our family. I want to apologize for not reaching out to you sooner. i feel that I am missing out on being a great Aunt to your kids. I just want you to know that I love you, Nikki, and the kids and I am ready to leave everything behind and start fresh with our family. i would like to extend an invitation to you to get together the next time you're in town to talk.
I love you, Jessica


Hello Me,

i came to the Landmark Forum with lululemon athletica and I came here to find out why I react to things the way that I do. What I am actually accomplishing is finding out that we are all scared of being alone and the truth is that there are people all around us...How could anyone ever possibly be alone. It is because we choose to isolate ourselves. The possibility I have invented for myself and my life is to inspire others and make a difference in the world. Through my yoga teachings, i have the power to impact humanity in a positive way by showing people the tools that we all own to be in touch with their true selves. It would be awesome to teach yoga to abused women to so they can find the strength within themselves to lead a pain-free life...to let them know they are not alone.

I have been selfish to you by not sticking to commitments in many areas of life, with friends and family. Through commitment to myself, I can be more committed in other areas of life. I make a commitment to not say "Yes" to everything and everyone and voice my opinion when I am enrolling others in staying true to themselves. I allow other people in my life and give them unconditional love without expecting anything in return. I acknowledge that I can't do everything myself and I invite others in my life to help me when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

i've been resenting that others can do it "better" and I accept that I do it the way I do it and am open to learn new ways to do things. I regret I haven't communicated with an open heart to other people in my life and that is the way to be truly authentic. i realize that at work i have been getting pulled into other people's drams instead of coaching them out. I offer my voice from my heart, from my true self, to stand and be authentic with myself by being t rue in my word to other people. I commit to not worrying about what people think of me and act in a way to positively impact the future of humanity. i invite you to stay committed to this possibility and to your integrity.

Love, me


i continue to look at this and I know that I have followed through with some of these things, but revisiting this place is important in my personal development. To whoever reads this, thank you for allowing me to share this very tender part of my heart.

Blessings Galore

It has taken me over a month to write about the momentous event of being in the presence of the living Guru of Ashtanga Yoga, Sri K Pattabhi Jois. Here he is with his daughter, Saraswathi, at the grand opening of the Ashtanga Research Institute located in Islamorada, FL.

When I bowed before his feet and honored the puja blessing, I can say that I felt like I was a part of a historical event taking place. After I bowed, I gazed into Guruji's eyes, and they were both ethereal and sharp. It was as if I was gazing into an egoless pool of love that had infinite depth, and I immediately was zapped into a state of divine humbleness.

One thing that I learned is that even though I bowed in honor of the lineage that I practice and teach so diligently is that he is but a man. We are all made of the same essence and it is important to see just that. Peeling past the layers of what we deem "is" by what we "think" in our own ego-centered opinions and merely seeing something for its true nature...a mirror of our own state of being.

Form vs Formlessness

Through yoga philosophy we know that we are all part of ONE universal energy or consciousness and that this energy is Formless. Regardless of age, race, sex, creed, status or even thought....we are all connected through this vibration. The body and everything in our lives is but a physical manifestation or FORM of that underlying formlessness. Everything we have become and everything we are becoming is just a result of that which we have created for ourselves through thought and experience. In this constant state of Evolution....birth, preservation, death, rebirth, etc...We are solely responsible for the creation of new thoughts and those moving you toward your goals...Whatever they may be....This can be actualized through meditaion on the goal until the Formless idea materializes into Form! Anything is possible!

If we can think of our true Self as a diamond with our human form as being the unpolished surface, we can continuosly be polishing the suface of our diamond so that it shines clearly and brightly in all directions. Connecting to this place as often as possible, practicing mindfulness in our yoga asana or meditation, allows us to come in contact with our true Selves, Pure Consciousness. When we get a glimpse of that state, it is easier for us to having loving kindness and compassion for others because we are reminded again of that universal energy that connects us into One.